Single By Choice

Many people often ask me why I’m single, and I figured a great way to close off this last full week of February would be to tell you.


SINGLE BY CHOICE.


I can now say it’s been a year since my last “Relationship” and about 5 Months since me and my Guy Friend who landed in my “It’s Complicated” box called it quits. It was actually my Guy Friend who helped me come to the reasoning that maybe it was time to just get to know me a bit better.  


So why am I not speaking with this Guy Friend (Who we’ll call Dan) who helped me come to that reasoning. Well Dan and I stopped speaking because he wanted get to know himself as a single person because he was very much “my person” as I was his. What I mean by “My Person” (You Non Grey’s Anatomy Watching Readers. LOL) is that we reached out and told each other about everything, we spoke throughout the day and in the evenings after a night out as well. So his thinking was as long as we had each other, he at least wasn’t going to truly be single.


I then started thinking about his reasoning. And realized even through my dating relationships with other guys I probably went to him more about my thoughts then the guys I was actually seeing. 


Example #1- I was seeing this guy who broke up with me Christmas Eve, his reasoning I wasn’t as smart as a girl who went to an Ivy League and I didn’t know how to pour wine properly (We’ll call him Princeton F*ck Boy) and although sad about it I bounced back rather quickly because I had Dan to turn too. Dan immediately wrote this dude off for me and joked about how I didn’t want to be with a Princeton Guy anyway. AND we both laughed at my inability to pour wine the “proper way”. Little does Princeton F*ck Boy know some days I drink it straight from the bottle. LOL.


Example #2 - I started seeing a guy fairly soon after Princeton F*ck Boy and he broke up with me around Valentine’s Day last year. This guy was the case of the he moved to quickly and it made me nervous and he could sense my hesitance. Oh and he was upset like ALOT because he worked on the Hillary Clinton campaign and we all know how that ended. He took things hard almost daily. Which I got but I didn’t want to hear about it daily. AND The funny thing with this one is during this time Dan started reaching out whenever he knew I was on a date with this guy. Think he could feel this guy was trying to pull me away. But he was there for me when Mr. Moving too fast decided he wanted to put the breaks on things because I wasn’t reciprocating as fast and then apparently I was reciprocating too fast.


With both of these guys I always had Dan there throughout the dating process to vent and immediately after. And although hurt, I bounced back quickly after those two situations because Dan was in my corner. He was right, we both needed a break from each other to truly be single.


I needed to break my F*ck Boy dating pattern and become the strong force I am in my work life in my dating relationships. 


I have to say it’s been great getting to know me. At first it was weird not having Dan to turn too because I realized how often I did turn to him. And then it was great! I finally stopped wondering about Dan (as much. LOL) and I started doing things for me. More girls nights. More nights in. More hiking. More creating. JUST MORE of everything. AND There’s just a lot less worrying in my life, by forming a stronger relationship with myself I’ve learned to filter the F*ck Boys a lot quicker. I’ve also learned to say NO to situations that I don’t see necessarily going anywhere. No time to waste over here. My time is precious. 


Single by Choice does not mean I’m alone and miserable. It means I simply choose me more because I know what I want and I don’t have time to waste with someone who’s not giving that. I encourage all my single ladies to give this a try at least once in your life. Stop bouncing from guy to guy and choose yourself for once. It’ll be the best decision you make.


Xoxo, @kellithinks
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